So someone recently posted a comment on my blog. Randomly way after I had forgotten about my writing.
Now, I feel too congested with other things at the moment to actually give writing a go, I have decided to put up the fragmented work of what was an attempt at NaNoWriMo
Chapter 1 After the cut (other chapters in other posts
“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
-James Arthur Baldwin
Chapter 1: Just a hello.
There is a thing you need to know about Calgary weather, if you ever get a chance to visit. It changes constantly; it could be a blizzard for two hours and then a nice spring day right after, and possible again with the blizzard business. The weather personal could be perfectly accurate when it says “chance of rain, snow, sun or apocalyptic storm conditions.” It’s beautiful here though, on days when it is not snowing in May.
So it starts on a day that is a perfect example of what I am bringing to your attention. The sun was shining bright and there was a light cool breeze. It was just the beginning of fall and the leaves were falling to the ground. They ground however, was covered in melting snow. It had just stopped snowing, mass white out conditions. If it wasn’t for the snow left on the grass it was like Calgary was in complete denial of the storm even happening.
Our character entering on the right, or perhaps we as the spectators are entering, is Alba Trowell, never known to her friends as Al. That’s a warning for you, just so you know, never call her Al.
Alba is in her favourite coffee shop (just so you know it may or may not be a starbucks), waiting on one of those friends that are always just a little late all the time. Her hair was being hit by the sunset’s rays, and it exploded fiery red. Not authentic red, dark auburn from a box. Alba always felt more like a redhead then her natural blond. The hair was long and was found in wavy curls down her back, she had so much hair that she had to use two boxes of dye, that was the last time she would dye her hair by herself. Her face did not have any make up on it; she was blessed with an amazing smooth complexion.
She had a round face and a huge, warm smile. Alba had the kind of smile that would get you friends, no matter what situation you would find yourself in. The style of clothing she would wear works best in fall. Alba loved dark purples, greens and browns. She didn’t spend too much on her wardrobe, always better things to do and she was brought up not to be vain, or to care what she looked like as long as she presented herself well. There was always some confusion about that.
Alba has her portable music device with mostly legally gathered music and is writing a letter to her mother. Alba’s mother Michelle had Alba at a very young age (17 if the math was done correctly), and raised her by herself in a small town. They were very close, but Michelle did not like to be referred to as a “best friend” type of mother, she was still very much the mother.
The letter was being sent to somewhere in Africa, her mother was very much into educating and empowering women. Phone calls were not something that was made between them often; the African village Michelle was working in at the time did not have phones available. She was a teacher, of English, of math, of science, of sex and of course of women’s rights. Most men would refer to her, as the loud mouthed bitch, though I am not sure how exactly that’s translated in the African dialect.
Alba loved her mother, but thought she was just a little bit extreme growing up; it made more sense that Michelle was stationed in a village in Africa where women are still thought of as not human but as pets. It was hard to date with a hard core feminist as a mother, but Alba wasn’t angry at how her life turned out. She was happy, but felt it was more important to show she was happy alone and never explored a serious relationship. Her relationships were more of a need to end sexual frustration then to find a loving and secure relationship. She was always curious about kids, but what if the same thing happened to her that happened to her mother. Alba new that technology was advanced and that she wouldn’t need a man, but doing things like that alone wasn’t all that appealing either.
The letter Alba received from her mother was different from the others. Her mother has always told her that she couldn’t place her happiness on a man alone that she had to find it within herself. Alba got the impression that her mother was against Alba finding a man and settling down “the old patriartical way”. Alba felt that marriage was just an institutional hold on women, and was a way to control them.
Michelle saw that her child was a great woman and didn’t let society put her down, but Alba didn’t explore love in fear of being trapped. Because of that, this letter was a little different. Michelle had always told Alba that happiness was something you had to find yourself and encouraged Alba never to rely on someone to make them happy.
In the letter as well, Michelle wrote about Alba’s father, John, although there wasn’t a lot of discussion about him when Alba was growing up. John was abusive; it started around the time Michelle got pregnant. Michelle always answered questions that Alba had, but Alba didn’t want to know much about him. She always heard growing up how good of a guy John was and the rumors about how he died. They whisper that Michelle had something to do with it. Michelle has always told Alba that John had died because he had too much to drink and drove off the road into a tree.
“Alba, daughter O’mine, I think you have gotten the impression that I am against heterosexual relationships. Procreation is still a must hun, and there is nothing wrong with heterosexual love. I would be a hypocrite if I thought otherwise. I have always been an advocate for love.
I loved your father Alba; I wouldn’t change a thing about our relationship for two reasons. (okay maybe I would have gotten out of it just a little sooner, but I suppose that wouldn’t have made me the stronger women I am now, and I would not have learned all I have learned…now I’m just blabbering on!!)
The biggest reason that I would never change the past is you. You know that.
What you may not know is that I had the choice not to have you Alba. It was the late 70’s I could have gotten an abortion, it was becoming wide spread. It wouldn’t have been easy but my parents were wealthy enough to keep it quiet and safe enough (at least what was considered safe back then). They were the ones who actually suggested it. So I thought about it. I made the choice to carry you to term and a choice to keep you after you were born. You know how strongly I believe in agency!
The second reason is that your father also taught me a lot about this world, and the things that are just not quite right about this world. I don’t think I would be where I am if it wasn’t for the lessons I learned, though terrible they were to learn. I am very happy where I am now. (Besides the fact that I miss you terribly.)
Despite how many times I thought back then that I was doing you a disservice by being an advocate instead of trying to find a father so we could have a “family.” I felt that it would be a greater disservice to you if I didn’t follow the path that was right for me. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I think you turned out wonderfully.
And even with that I do think I need to clear something up. I have always told you that you should never rely on a man to make you happy. That’s the huge feminist in me talking. I have always said that your independence was more important than your dependence. However, I do wish I had told you that that didn’t mean that you couldn’t ask for help.
And the biggest thing I need to clarify is that once you were happy with yourself that it was okay (and encouraged) to share that happiness with someone else, even if that someone else was a male that you were in a romantic relationship with. You know that I am not a man hater, although the language in the feminist theory hasn’t changed much since the man hating days.
I just want you to know that you shouldn’t be afraid to fall in love. You know that you are your own person and the choice is always yours. I will not love you any less because you found someone to love, and I would never fault you if you chose to be a mother. My only intention in your upbringing was to show you that you had a choice.
What you don’t have a choice of however is the fact that I will be coming up for Christmas this year. I miss you too much to spend another away.”
Michelle ended her letter as she always did with a simple “love me.”
Then she felt a hand slowly creep on to her shoulder, her entire body froze.
“Hey hunny, what ya readin’” said a deep voice into Alba’s ear. Alba instantly melted back into her relaxed self and unplugged the iPod out of her ears. Even though the voice was trying to be disguised, Alba recognized it as Tracie, the always just a bit late friend.
“Letter from my mom, and Gee Tracie! Almost a half hour late today.” Alba said with mock discontentment and added a smile full of mischievous attitude. Tracie took off her coat, which was just one of her many layers. Alba was not sure how Tracie managed to make all over those mismatched articles of second hand store clothing work so well together. She would want to compliment Tracie on her sense of style, but Tracie would take that as an insult.
Tracie was one of those gals who hated mass media, and anything to do with trendiness, but enjoyed mocking it. Of course sometimes Tracie’s sense of anti conformist and anticonsumer attitude was still a type of conformist and consumerist mind sets (and she didn’t find her addiction to what may or may not be starbucks coffee as ironic). Alba wouldn’t be telling her that, and she has calmed down since her 20’s were passed her. Needless to say, Tracie and Alba’s mother got a long, especially when Tracie came out, surprisingly or maybe not that she told Alba first, while Alba’s mother was in the room. Tracie’s parents were not too happy about the Trowell’s making their daughter sick. Her parents were a little older, and a lot less hip than Michelle was, and definitely looked down on her for being single all of those years and not looking for a father for her daughter.
“Sorry boo, traffic. I’mma get my coffee, wanna refill?” Tracie said grabbing Alba’s travel mug and wiggled it in front of her face. Alba nodded and went to put the letter in her bag, but decided against it and kept her mother’s letter out. Tracie was back soon with two travel mugs of steaming Arabica bean soup. With cream and sugar for Tracie and just plain jane black for Alba.
“Mmm thank you Trace. I’mma let you read the latest news from my mom. Tell me what you think of the top part.” Alba slid the letter across the table, avoiding the tiny bit of coffee she had spilt and grabbed a tissue to wipe the spill up. While she wiped the drip of coffee, for longer than was necessary, she watched Tracie closely. Tracie read it with a bit of a smile and put it down.
“You know what Alba, yea, I think you have been too worried to prove to your mother that you are not a product of a male dominated society that you haven’t given yourself to enjoy love romantically. It wouldn’t matter to your mom if the love of your life wasn’t a female. Ha, that’s definitely not how that usually works is it? I think your mom is saying that it’s okay to fall in love; you don’t have to lose your sense of self to do so. I would have to agree not that I am one to talk about love, but that could be changing sooner than you or I thought.
Alba had had a similar conversation with Emilia, her friend that was a dominatrix. A year ago, the night proceeding that conversation was something to remember.
“Oh really? How is.. sorry what was her name again?” Alba wasn’t exactly sure who Tracie was seeing this week, she went through girlfriends pretty fast. Tracie just didn’t want to settle. It didn’t matter though Alba wanted to change the subject.
“Molly, She’s doing great, she’s finishing up her thesis, so we don’t get a lot of time to be together. Her work is brilliant; we have arguments and then raunchy make up sex. I get a good feeling about her, she really feels like my other half.” Tracie lit up when talking about her. Though Alba didn’t pay much attention to the little bit of more than average sparkling in Tracie’s eye. They were always brilliant. Then Tracie did something she has never done before. “When she’s done her thesis you should come over for dinner, oh right I forgot to tell you, she moved in. “
Alba had a full mouth of coffee that almost ended up all over Tracie. She concentrated on swallowing the luke warm brew before she could speak. “Molly moved in? How long have you been dating? Has it been that long since we saw each other?”
Tracie smiled “We have been dating for just over a month. I didn’t really want to say anything because it just felt different this time. Didn’t want to jinx it, she was more than just a play thing for me. It’s a little odd because I knew her a long time ago and you actually know her.”
“What do you mean I know her Tracie?” Alba was very much confused, but Tracie just smiled and waited for the answer to come to her. Alba just couldn’t think of didn’t remember anyone in her life that was a Molly. Then it clicked. Actually it was more of a snap than a click. Molly was Tracie’s first girlfriend in senior year of high school. She was shy, quiet and did extremely well in school. They had broken up after grad because Tracie wanted to move to the big city and experiment with new things and learn about herself. Molly on the other hand was offered scholarships to attend a University in Toronto.
“I haven’t thought about Molly in ages. Where did you guys meet up again?” Alba was curious if Molly had changed any, Tracie was only slightly calmed down from her high school days. Tracie went on to tell Alba that she went to a conference regarding enlightened witnessing and Molly was speaking there. Tracie recognized her anywhere and Molly recognized Tracie right away. While speaking Molly noticed Tracie and blushed.
“When the speakers were all done I went up to her, and I suppose the rest is history. She is definitely not as shy as she used to be, and I may have been the first lesbian experience she has had, but that first night and nights thereafter was proof that I was not the last. She really found herself, when we broke up, I felt like I was pushing her to be a lesbian, she was never really sure of who she was.” Tracie really did seem happy. “it’s just been like old times, but so new at the same time.”
Alba smiled, “That’s awesome Tracie! Re-united with the one that got away, not that’s not something that happens in real life all that often. Just cheesy chick lit novels.” Alba’s phone started to vibrate on the table. “ Oh shit, sorry Trace, time to go, the joys of being on call. Call me soon, you and I still have a lot to catch up on.”
Alba collected her bag and hugged Tracie. She headed toward the door and she looked back at Tracie to give a small wave she bumped into Rylan.
“whoa there… Hello” Said Rylan.
